Common misconceptions about rape

Even with all the progress in spreading awareness, our culture is still brimming with misconceptions about rape. These myths tend to involve heavy victim-blaming and are insulting to all genders. The misconceptions lead to secondary wounding and the survivors of rape/sexual assault not being taken seriously.

I was surprised by just how many myths and misconceptions I can think of off the top of my head. Here is a list (may trigger for victim-blaming attitudes):

  • It isn’t rape if the victim didn’t physically put up a fight. By not struggling and hitting, the person consented. (Fact: submission does not equal consent–under situations of coercion, manipulation, intimidation, or duress, people will often be too afraid to fight.)
  • Men are entitled to sex from their wives and girlfriends on demand, regardless of whether they say yes or are in the mood. Once a woman has already had sex with a man, he’s free to have sex with her whenever he wants.
  • A married man can’t rape his wife. By agreeing to marry him, the wife gives up her right to say no.
  • Most rapes are committed by freaky strangers jumping out of the bushes in the middle of the night, and there is little risk of it happening at the hands of family, friends, dates, and acquaintances. (The opposite is actually true! Stranger rape definitely does happen, but about two-thirds of rapists already know their victims: source.)
  • All rapists are obviously mentally ill. You can pick out a rapist by their appearance and behavior.
  • Prostitutes can’t be raped and cannot say no. If you’ve paid a prostitute for sex, that gives you free license to do whatever you want.
  • Men cannot be expected to control their sexual urges, especially around attractive, seductive, or scantily clad women. It’s only natural that a guy in that situation would do whatever it takes to get laid.
  • If a woman leads a man on and gets him turned on, then she has withdrawn her right to change her mind and say no. So if he rapes her, she was asking for it by initially showing interest.
  • Some types of rape are really pretty mild and not that bad, and people just need to get over them.
  • Men cannot be raped; it is something that only happens to women, and men are the only attackers. A woman can’t rape a man. (Oh, yes, men can be raped by other women and men. And rapes happen outside of the conventional gender binary, too. Really, anybody could sexually assault anybody.)
  • Men who are in prison deserve to be raped by inmates as part of the punishment for their crime.
  • If a person gets raped while wearing a sexy outfit, out alone at night, alone with their date, drunk, or on drugs, then they should’ve expected it and should take responsibility. Rape is a natural consequence of putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and it’s your fault if you let it happen.
  • “Good girls” with good reputations don’t get raped.
  • Only physically attractive girls and women are at risk of being raped.
  • One that’s been popular with politicians lately: women rarely get pregnant from rape. Their bodies sense when a rape is happening and their reproductive systems shut down.
  • Many rape accusations are false. Vengeful women love to accuse men of rape to ruin their reputations. (False accusations happen, but it’s much rarer than people think.)
  • Women just love to give mixed signals. When they say no, they really mean yes.
  • Nearly all rapes get reported, and rapists will be sent to prison. (According to the RAINN statistics, over half of sexual assaults don’t get reported, and very few rapists end up behind bars.)
  • It’s only rape if a penis is forcibly put in a vagina. (Oral, anal, and digital rape are some of the other forms of rape possible.)

If anyone can think of other misconceptions (and I’m sure they are endless), feel free to comment!

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One thought on “Common misconceptions about rape

  1. One common misconception I can think of is “rape is done only for sexual gratification.” It’s just as often done simply to show power, or to put the victim “in their place.” Many hazing rituals could be identified as rape.

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